For a child whose parents are newly separated, one of the greatest sources of anxiety is having to move between two households. It is possible to ease the transition so as to lessen anxiety.
Creative ways to help the child adapt to the new family situation after divorce.
1. Maintain some semblance of normalcy
Make sure that when one of the partners moves out of the family home, the child’s possessions are equally split between the two homes. Rather than leave a room intact in the original household, make sure the child is able to take some of his favorite toys, posters and even some furniture to his room in the new home. The child will be reminded of the comforts of home and the missing parent.
2. Create projects designed to heal divorce
You might sit down with your child and create a Two Homes poster. Start with two perfect circles (use a compass for this) making sure that they overlap with each other so that there is a common space between the two. Use a large colored poster board to make it more appealing to the child. Have plenty of markers, colored pencils and a magazine handy to cut out pictures. One circle will represent the father’s home and one the mother’s home. Encourage the child to draw or cut pictures of all his favorite activities in each home and place them in the respective circles. In the overlapping space between the two circles, you will be able to remind the child of the aspects common to both homes such as the love of his parents, humor, siblings, watching favorite TV programs etc. The child will be encouraged to feel that even though the original family household has been split, the common roots to both homes are still very much present in his life.
3. Create a special “talk tea time”
In the course of your day, make sure you take time to sit down with your child alone for fifteen minutes or so. You might want to make a ceremony out of this such as a tea time for girls or a juice time for younger children. It will be an opportunity to ascertain if the child is harboring any particular anxieties. By letting the child know that you are always there to discuss any worries, the child will be given permission to talk. You will also establish a special and treasured time between the two of you.
4. Be fully present
While you as an adult may be in turmoil too, a child is less able to express emotion during this difficult time. Make sure that you put aside some time during the day for play. This may be as simple as half an hour of pillow fights or playing with trains. Try to make it a time in which you are simply at play and not attempting to engage the child in emotional talk. Your presence and the routine you create to be with your child will be very soothing.
There are many things a parent can do to help a child adapt to divorce. Imagination, sensitivity and patience are all that are required to begin to reach out. Children will respond through play and enjoy that special time spent together. It is possible to maintain some degree of continuity for a child that is traveling between the two households of parents who are separated. With a little planning ahead and some creativity, you can greatly ease a child’s anxieties.
Alexandra Clark - Alexandra Clark has always been interested in alternative health and healing. She transferred from a career as a translator of Spanish and ...
